How a Website Designers goes Straight to Hell
Everything is Cool in the Beginning
the client communicates their need. You set expectations.
Enthusiasm and excitement all 'round.
CLIENT: the new site will be GREAT!
THE DESIGNERS: Great? It'll be INCREDIBLE!
It'll soar like an eagle in outer space!
The Client shows you their current website.
You both laugh at how terrible it is.
CLIENT: HAHA what a Piece of CRAP!
Our last designer was and IDIOT
Our last designer was and IDIOT
THE DESIGNERS: For real! How did this happen?!
This site is a crime against humanity
This site is a crime against humanity
You Re-Design the Website.
It looks nice and works well. This is the high point of the design.
CLIENT: I love it! Looks Amazing! i want to make love to it
THE DESIGNER: Happy! TA-DA!
CLIENT: But...
Just a few Minor Changes
CLIENT: So this design is perfect, but I'm the CEO so i feel obligated to make changes to feel like I've done my job properly.
Also, I'll use phrases like "user experience" and "conversion oriented" to sound smart even though I barely know how to use a computer.
Could you make the design "pop" a bit more? It needs to be more "edgy".
It doesn't quite feel right.
DESIGNER NOTE: Client have actually Said all these things to me. To this day i still don't know what "pop" or "edgy" mean in regards to we design. I also don't know how to design websites based on some else's feelings.
Minor changes start to add up
Soon they become not-so-minor
So I thought about it, and we definitely want to switch the font back to Comic Sans. Also, can you make a lense flare? Those are very web 2.0
One Other thing: the site definitely needs to be less "liney." When I look at it, all I see is lines. can you do that ?
DESIGNER NOTE: A client actually said this to me. The design had no horizontal rules or lines of any kind, they were referring to the rectangular shape created by things such as
ortags.
The client gets others involved
"Looks great, but I want to get feedback from my friend, co-workers, uncle, pet hamster, etc"
CLIENT: I've looped my mother into this conversation. She designed a bake sale flyer back in 1982, so you could say she has an "eye" for design.
MOTHER: The design you put together needs some brighter colors, It's too Gloomy. Perhaps a little pink? Throw in a kitten, too.
EVERYONE LOVES KITTENS!
DESIGNER NOTE: I actually has a client include their mother in the design process so she could provide feedback and criticism.
ALL HOPE IS LOST
You Begin to fantasize about other careers, like someone who digs ditches for a living or gives sponge baths to the elderly.
CLIENT: Ok so my dog, MIFFLES, is a big deal. He's bascially the most important part of my life. I want you to add "stream of consciousness" copy to the web pages, where it's like Miffles is talking to the user. I'll send you a few pages of narration of what Miffles is probably thinking about, such a "I love tasty treats!" and "Hello! Welcome to my website! I an a god and you should shake my paw! LOL"
DESIGNER NOTE: I didn't make ths up - a client actually made this request. I've never come closer to braining someone with a care battery as I did that day.
YOU ARE NO LONGER A WEB DESIGNER
You are now a mouse cursor inside a graphics program which the client can control by speaking, emailing, and instant messaging.
CLIENT: Hurr Hurrr i can make Webpages too!durrrr hurrr derp derp!
DESIGNER NOTE: I once had a client take my design and start revising it themselves in photoshop. They would then send me updated versions of how they felt it should look.
After the 13th revision I fired the client.
AN ABOMINATION IS BORN
The client has completely forgotten that they hired you, the web designer, to build them a great product. If you were an engineer designing the turbine of a commercial airplane, would they interfere then, I wonder?
CLIENT: Now there is a design that POPS!
DESIGNER: Please, no More.
