Monday 14 September 2015

Web Designer and Client

How a Website Designers goes Straight to Hell

Everything is Cool in the Beginning

the client communicates their need. You set expectations.
Enthusiasm and excitement all 'round.

CLIENT: the new site will be GREAT!

It'll soar like an eagle in outer space!

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The Client shows you their current website.

You both laugh at how terrible it is.

CLIENT: HAHA what a Piece of CRAP!
Our last designer was and IDIOT

THE DESIGNERS: For real! How did this happen?!
This site is a crime against humanity

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You Re-Design the Website.

It looks nice and works well. This is the high point of the design.

CLIENT: I love it! Looks Amazing! i want to make love to it


CLIENT: But... 

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Just a few Minor Changes

CLIENT: So this design is perfect, but I'm the CEO so i feel obligated to make changes to feel like I've done my job properly.
Also, I'll use phrases like "user experience" and "conversion oriented" to sound smart even though I barely know how to use a computer.
Could you make the design "pop" a bit more? It needs to be more "edgy".
It doesn't quite feel right.

DESIGNER NOTE: Client have actually Said all these things to me. To this day i still don't know what "pop" or "edgy" mean in regards to we design. I also don't know how to design websites based on some else's feelings.

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Minor changes start to add up

Soon they become not-so-minor

So I thought about it, and we definitely want to switch the font back to Comic Sans. Also, can you make a lense flare? Those are very web 2.0
One Other thing: the site definitely needs to be less "liney." When I look at it, all I see is lines. can you do that ?

DESIGNER NOTE: A client actually said this to me. The design had no horizontal rules or lines of any kind, they were referring to the rectangular shape created by things such as

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The client gets others involved

"Looks great, but I want to get feedback from my friend, co-workers, uncle, pet hamster, etc"

CLIENT: I've looped my mother into this conversation. She designed a bake sale flyer back in 1982, so you could say she has an "eye" for design.

MOTHER: The design you put together needs some brighter colors, It's too Gloomy. Perhaps a little pink? Throw in a kitten, too.

DESIGNER NOTE: I actually has a client include their mother in the design process so she could provide feedback and criticism.

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You Begin to fantasize about other careers, like someone who digs ditches for a living or gives sponge baths to the elderly.

CLIENT: Ok so my dog, MIFFLES, is a big deal. He's bascially the most important part of my life. I want you to add "stream of consciousness" copy to the web pages, where it's like Miffles is talking to the user. I'll send you a few pages of narration of what Miffles is probably thinking about, such a "I love tasty treats!" and "Hello! Welcome to my website! I an a god and you should shake my paw! LOL"

DESIGNER NOTE: I didn't make ths up - a client actually made this request. I've never come closer to braining someone with a care battery as I did that day.

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You are now a mouse cursor inside a graphics program which the client can control by speaking, emailing, and instant messaging.

CLIENT: Hurr Hurrr i can make Webpages too!durrrr hurrr derp derp!

DESIGNER NOTE: I once had a client take my design and start revising it themselves in photoshop. They would then send me updated versions of how they felt it should look.
After the 13th revision I fired the client.

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The client has completely forgotten that they hired you, the web designer, to build them a great product. If you were an engineer designing the turbine of a commercial airplane, would they interfere then, I wonder?

CLIENT: Now there is a design that POPS!
DESIGNER: Please, no More.

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